Labour Day - Part 2/Script
Jonesy: voiceover "Last time on 6teen...Jen's pregnant mom went into labor." Jen: "Mom is having the baby!" Jude, Wyatt, Caitlin, and Nikki: "What?" Jonesy: a spittake "But she's not due for weeks!" Jonesy: voice-over "While the rest of us hit the hospital, Jen got stuck at the mall, literally." Jen: her shoes chewed off by Darth "Just hurry, okay? You can do it!" Jonesy: voice-over "Over at St. Mike's, Caitlin got heat from the cell phone police–" is seen having her cell phone shut "–Wyatt got mauled in his quest for a decent cup of joe–" is being kissed by Misha "–and Nikki kept Jen's mom nice and relaxed." Nikki: to Caitlin "Those moans are getting closer together!" Jonesy: voice-over "Plus, Jude and I spread some joy and made some coin!" wheelchair races are seen. "And Jen's luck went from bad to phhhbbbtth." is seen moving from the jail cell to the broken elevator. Jen: "–NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" ---- is strumming his guitar in a waiting room. Wyatt: humming "Duh-dum-do-do, duh-duh-dum...hmm-hmm-hmm..." and Caitlin walk up with cups of coffee. Nikki: "I can't believe you used our money to buy a coffeemaker." takes a sip of coffee. "I mean, what kind of gift is that for a baby?" Wyatt: "Parents with new babies get no sleep, coffee keeps you awake. It's perfect." three sip their coffees. Suddenly, the shrieks of Jen's mom rip through the air. Caitlin: at a clock "Only three and a half minutes between contractions now." Nikki: "So–where'd you find the guitar?" Wyatt: "There's an entertainment room. Thought it might be nice to write Jen's mom a song." Caitlin: "Oh, that's a great idea!" Nikki: "Oh she'll love it!" Wyatt: "Okay. So what rhymes with prowning?" Nikki: "Then again, maybe she won't." ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''Labour Day Part 2' ---- ''is trying to use her cell phone while Nathan is trying the emergency phone. Jen: "Oh come on! Signal! I need a signal! AAAH!" Nathan: "Well, the emergency phone doesn't work, and neither does the alarm." Jen: Nathan's face "What?!?" Nathan: "Please don't hurt me again!" ---- Caitlin, and Nikki walk back into Emma's room. The doctor ducks out of Emma's bed. Doctor: "She's getting fairly close, so if Jen isn't here, you guys'll need to think about who'll go in the delivery room with her." and Caitlin look at Nikki. Nikki: "No way! Why me?" Emma: "Nikki, it'll be fine. Jen will–" pain "BE!!! HEEERRREEE!!! Unh! Oh!" Doctor: "I know you're nervous, we're all nervous. Heck, this is going to be my first delivery." Caitlin, Nikki, and Wyatt: "What?!?" Doctor: "Don't get me wrong, I have a pretty good idea of what I'm doing. I've done a lot of reading and saw most of a video." Caitlin: "Most of a video?" Nikki: "You are so not helping." Doctor: "Anyhoo, time is running out, so you're going to need to decide who's gonna be in the delivery room assisting me." Nikki: "Assisting you?" Wyatt: "Well it can't be me! I mean–it just can't! The way that babies come out of women is–" Nikki: "Stop, stop talking. Okay, fine, agreed. Wyatt is out, it's between you and me, Caitlin." Caitlin: "Hang on. I touched a pay phone today. I think I've done enough." Nikki: "Fine. If Jen is not here on time, I'll do it. Now, I'm frightened, so I need to pee. I'll be right back." Emma: "Oh, where are you, Jen?" ---- and Jonesy are still running from the security guard. Jonesy: "Security dude still back there?" Jude: "Yeah, dude, he–he's unstoppable." Security Guard: affably "Slow down guys." Jonesy: "We gotta split up!" Jude: panting "Good plan." into a stairwell "Later, bro." ---- Nikki: through the hospital "Send me into the delivery room? No thank you, 'friends'. Yeah, friends. More like shirkers." into the nursery "I blame all of you for this. You strange-looking creatures." at a blonde one "Actually, you're all right. Just you, though. The rest of you? Mmph." turns to leave, then stops. "Well, some cute dimples on that one. He's okay, I guess. You, with the hair sticking up? Eh, not bad. Chubby face? Kinda cute. Oh, redhead! You're beautiful!" pressed to the glass "Oh, look! Hi! Hi, yeah! I'm Auntie Nikki!" nurse inside the room waves to her. "What the–" below the window "Did I just get caught looking at babies? Yes I did. Oh my–do I–like babies?" ---- is still sipping coffee. Courtney walks in. Caitlin: "Where have you been?" Courtney: "There was nothing to do here, so I went downtown and got a manicure." shows off her nails. Caitlin: "Nice!" Wyatt: "So Robbie and Diego were with you?" Courtney: "Ooh, I knew I forgot something." Emma: stressed "Robbie and Diego are loose?" calmly "Okay. Does anyone know where they are?" ---- is playing with an old lady's bed while Robbie blows up a glove until it pops and the old lady screams. ---- Emma: "Would someone please go and FIIIINNNNNDDDD TTHHHEEEMM!!! OH! OH! OH!" Courtney: "Wyatt, she's talking to you." sighs, sets down his mug of coffee, and heads out to find the two hooligans. Courtney: "Where'd the coffeemaker come from?" Wyatt: "I bought it as a gift for the baby." Courtney: "Wow. Dumb." ---- rushes into an office and shuts the door. Office Worker: "Christopher Mcgraph?" Jonesy: "Yes?" Office Worker: "I should fire you for being late on your first day of work." Jonesy: "You, uh, wouldn't be the first." security guard throws the door open into Jonesy and looks around the room. Seeing nothing, he closes the door again and continues his search. Jonesy: "Heh heh. What was that about?" Office Worker: him a bag "Hurry up and get into costume. I'll give you the fifty dollars after you finish the show for the kids." Jonesy: "Fifty bucks, you say? Well then, it's time for the Christopher McGreen show!" Office Worker: "McGreen?" Jonesy: "McGraph. I meant McGraph." ---- walks into the basement. He bumps into a stretcher that carries a corpse. Jude: "Oh! Sorry dude, didn't see you lying there." of breath "Whew! I don't know about you, but I am not having a frosty day!" his breath "So, what're you in for?" corpse doesn't answer. "Don't wanna talk about it, huh? That's cool by me. I'm just gonna hang here for a sec and chill. Yeah, definitely in need of a breather." ---- children are gathered in a room. They are set to watch a clown. The clown is Chris McGraph. Jonesy: "So. Uh, okay. Let's see here...alright! Who wants a balloon animal?" kids cheer. "Comin' right up!" starts inflating a balloon. ---- Emma: "Oh! Uh! O-OH! OH! AAAH! OH!" Caitlin: "Time since her last contraction?" Courtney: "Just under three minutes." Caitlin: "Wow." Courtney: "Is that bad?" Caitlin: "I have no idea." ---- nurses walk down a hallway. Nurse: "I love the nursery. It's that baby smell. I just love it!" Nikki: out of a stairwell "That baby smell?" ---- pounds on the elevator doors. Jen: "Help! People are trapped in here!" sits down next to Nathan, depressed. "Oh, after all those Lamaze classes, I'm gonna miss the whole birth!" Nathan: "Well, I think it's pretty cool that you're your mom's breathing coach. And I promise you'll make it. We're in this together. A team, okay?" helps Jen up. Jen: "A team. Deal." Ron: outside "Is anyone in there?" Jen: "Yes! Me! Me! Me! I'm in here!" ---- is consulting a nurse. Wyatt: "Have you seen two little boys? Dark hair? Doing something bad?" water balloon hits him. "I think I found them. Thanks for your time." in the direction of the thrown balloon "Get back here!" ---- is breathing heavily. Jonesy: "Okay! Woo! Head rush! Okay. Now you all have snakes. Cool, huh?" Little Blonde Girl: "But I don't like snakes." Jonesy: "Well who cares what you–" Office Worker: "Ahem." Jonesy: "–uh...fine! Name an animal!" Little Blonde Boy: "I want a donkey!" Jonesy: "Donkey it is!" tries to wind the balloon into a shape. It pops, and the kids giggle. Jonesy looks at them, annoyed. "I want a donkey!" grabs a girl's balloon and attempts to twist it. "Ow!" kids laugh more. "RRR!" grabs a third balloon and once again breaks it. However, he notices that the kids are laughing and happy. He gets an idea and grabs another balloon. Jonesy: "This one'll work!" pops as well. "Oh that's it, gimme yours!" last one pops. "Oh come on!" slaps his forehead in anguish. However, he peeks out between his fingers to make sure he's keeping 'em laughing. ---- is still talking with the stiff. This time, he's telling a funny story. Jude: laughing "And the old guy kept farting through the who-ho-hole race! It was like, turbo boost, dude! Oh, you should have seen it!" checks the toe tag. "Steve. Like, the other guy had to stay in the lead, just to avoid the bum stink! Ho-ho-ho! Ski-doe! Good times, bro, good times!" ---- is trying to make contact with Jen. Ron: "I didn't catch that last part! What did you say?!?" Jen: "I said, get us out of here quick! The baby could be born any minute!" Ron: himself "Oh my. A pregnant woman trapped in the elevator." the elevator "I'll call 911! Um, don't push!" runs off. Jen: "Okay!" Nathan "Don't push what?" Nathan: "I dunno." ---- has found her way into the nursery. She sniffs around. Nikki: "Oh, he does smell good!" a whiff of another baby "Oh, she smells good too! Aww..." picks up the redheaded baby from before. "Look who's holding a baby!" another baby cry "Oh, what's a matter, Dimples?" it in her other arm "Do you want some attention too?" stops crying. "Hey! Look who made a baby stop crying! Me! I did! Oh, who's a good mommy, huh? Is it me?" nurses pass by the nursery. "Uh, okay kids, back in your cells. Big Red goes in here–" puts Dimples in the indicated crib. "–and Dimples in here." realizes where she put them. "Oh no. Wrong baby! Wrong crib!" looks towards the door and sees the two nurses are about to come in. She quickly finds a place to hide. Nurse: through the babies "Guess whose mummy and daddy are here to take them home?" Nikki: quietly "Oh no please no please no please no." Nurse: up Dimples "Now time to go home with your parents." Nikki: to herself "Well, maybe not your parents, but parents." ---- is still talking to the dead body. Jude: "You're right, dude. I should be rockin' school. I'm only letting myself down. You are such a good motivator, bro. Is that what you do for a living?" does not reply. ---- is putting on a puppet show. King Jonesy: "Of course you want to date me, I'm King Jonesy and you're a pig!" Pig Nikki: him "Then why is it you're the only one who smells like a pig?" King Jonesy: "Well, Pig Nikki, I'd rather smell like a pig than look like one." Pig Nikki: "If I look like a pig, why is it you want to date me?" King Jonesy: "Because I'm not really that picky!" Pig Nikki: "Wow! Now I'm flattered!" heads offstage. King Jonesy: "Wait! I admit it! I like you! You're a pig, but I like you!" Pig Nikki: back "Well you're a goof, but you're the king of the goofs. So I like you too." two kiss. The audience boos. Boy in Cap: "Aw! Gross!" Pig Nikki: "The end!" puppets take a bow, and the kids clap. The security guard, watching from the door, joins the applause. Security Guard: "That was so beautiful." wipes his eyes and leaves. "I almost cried there." gets out from behind the puppet show stand and receives a fifty-dollar bill from his boss. Jonesy: "Thank you, sir, this was the best job I never had! You may as well fire me now." Office Worker: "You're fired?" Jonesy: "Pleasure doing business with you!" leaves and finds Nikki in a hallway nearby. "Nikki! I just made fifty bucks as a clown! I was a king, and you were a pig, and–" Nikki: "I switched two babies in the nursery, and one is on the way home with the wrong parents! W–I was a pig? Not important. I was holding Dimples and Redhead at the same time, and loving it, and then, and then the nurse came back, and I put them in the wrong cribs, and the nurse took Dimples, and is giving him to the parents instead of Redhead! What do I do?!?" Jonesy: "You like babies now?" Nikki: "Okay, can you tease me about this later? A baby is about to leave the hospital with the wrong parents!" Jonesy: "Technically it's the parents leaving the hospital with the wrong–" Nikki: "Jonesy!" Jonesy: "Okay, okay!" calmly "Buy a doll in the gift shop, swap it out for Redhead in the nursery, find the parents and swap Redhead for Dimples and get Dimples back in the crib before anyone notices the doll!" Nikki: "This is the one and only time I will ever say this. I love you and your big dumb brain!" kisses Jonesy and then snatches his payment. Jonesy: "Hey!" sinking in "Did she just say she loved me? Heh. Guess it's true what they say about a man in uniform. Oh yeah!" strides down the hall confidently, not noticing the odd glances he gets due to his costume. ---- paramedic is chatting with the receptionist. Paramedic: "So the ship is sinking, right? And the piece of wood? Can't support them both. So he kisses her, and he sinks. Into the dark water." receptionist dabs at her eyes with a tissue. The paramedic's walkie-talkie barks. Paramedic: "A young woman stuck in an elevator is having a baby. This is what I do. Later, Shelly." paramedic leaves. Wyatt runs up to the desk. Wyatt: "Hi. Did two little dark-haired–" water balloons hit him. "Excuse me." ---- rushes into the nursery with the doll. Nikki: "Uh, fourth floor! Code orange!" nurse she's addressing just blinks at her. Nikki: "Uh, code yellow?" nurse stares at her. Nikki: "Code...blue!" nurse instantly rushes from the nursery. Nikki: "Alright. Here goes nothing." swaps out the doll and the baby. "Gah! Why oh why do I have to like babies?" ---- is screaming in pain. Courtney: "Those contrition thingies are getting really close together." Emma: panting "Is Jen here yet?" Courtney: "Not yet. You hang in there, mom." Emma: panting "Nikki–is–is Nikki there?" Caitlin: "No." Emma: "Caitlin! Go find her! Please!" Caitlin: "Yes!" starts to walk out, but Courtney stops her. Courtney: "No, wait, I'll go." Emma: short-tempered "Courtney! You stay! Caitlin! Go! AAH! AH! OH!" Courtney: "Hurry." leaves. Emma: "OH! OOOHHH!" rushes through the hospital hall, looking for Nikki. Caitlin: "Nikki? Nikki?" Jonesy: "Caitlin!" rushes up to her. "Caitlin! Where's Jen Nikki loves me d–did Jen's mom have the baby?" Caitlin: "Where have you been?" Jonesy: "I was in–" Caitlin: "No one cares. Last time I talked with Jen, she says you'd better stop clowning around. Which is pretty uncanny. Why are you wearing that?" Jonesy: "I was downstairs, doing a–" Caitlin: "No one cares." Jonesy: annoyed "You keep asking questions and–" Caitlin: her hand over his mouth "Your stepmom is here having a baby. And I know being responsible isn't your thing, but until Jen gets here, it is your thing!" Jonesy: "What's the big–" Caitlin: "Jen's not here, Wyatt is trying to find your brothers, I touched a pay phone, Nikki's disappeared, and Courtney refuses to go into the delivery room! So if you can't convince her to and Jen doesn't get here, you're goin' in!" Jonesy: off his costume's mask "Okay! All right! I'm in control of this!" stomps off confidently in his clown suit. Caitlin watches him go and notices a sign on the wall. Caitlin: "How dare they!" sign has a struck-through picture of Caitlin using her cell phone on it. "They already confiscated my phone, isn't that enough?" closer "I do look pretty good, though." the sign and hugging it "My first real modeling gig!" ---- Jude: "I miss Starr. We used to be like two peas in a pod. But now I'm like a pea, and she's like a–duck. Or something even less pealike." nurse walks in. Nurse: "Um, are you a family member?" Jude: "Nah, we're just buds." Nurse: "Well, you really shouldn't be down here. Take a moment to say your goodbyes and then you have to go." Jude: "Okay." to Steve "It's been great, dude. Lots of laughs, some good heart-to-hearts, and you really taught me a ton about like, life itself. Until we meet again, you take care bro." turns to leave and finds himself wrapped up in a tight hug by the nurse. Nurse: "That was beautiful!" Jude: himself from the hug "O-kay." Steve "Oh, and dude, if you're ever at the mall, swing on by the ice rink and say hey!" leaves. The nurse watches him go, a little surprised by his last line. ---- pries the doors of the elevator open and uses his body to keep them open. Ron: "AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" and Nathan crawl out. Ron: "You!" Jen: "Please! Don't throw me back in jail, please!" Ron: up outside the elevator "I did some recon and called the hospital. Your mum really is in labor." his hand over his heart "A teen who tells the truth. Never thought I'd see the day." Jen: "Has she–" Ron: "Not yet, but soon. So–try and look pregnant." paramedic runs up with a stretcher. "Get this woman to the hospital." Jen: "Oh." on and faking pregnancy "I mean, ohhh! Ooh!" Paramedic: "Take it easy, lady! I gotcha!" Jen: "Ohhh!" wheeled away "Thanks Ron! Bye Nathan! OH! Whew!" ---- dressed as a nurse, rushes into the lobby with a stroller. She sees the couple about to leave. Nikki: "Excuse me! Uh, baby people, wait." runs up to them. "Hi. I'm a real nurse. Well, heh, of course I'm a real nurse. Heh heh. Ahem. But, uh, w-we forgot to, um, to, uh, measure the baby's...face! So..." takes the baby and puts it in the stroller. "We keep the face-measuring machine in the baby carriage here." comes back with another baby. "Wow. Perfect face size. You got yourself a good one there." couple leave. Nikki sighs contentedly and then heads back to the stroller. "Whew. Now to get you back to the nursery." ---- rushes up to the reception desk. Caitlin: "Have you seen a nervous-looking girl, pierced nose, big pants?" doors to the hospital open and Jen is wheeled in. Once inside, she leaps off of the stretcher and runs to the reception desk. Jen: "Where's Mrs. Masterson-Garcia? I'm her daughter." Caitlin: "Jen!" Jen: "Caitlin!" hug. "Has she–" Caitlin: "No." Wyatt: Robbie and Diego "Not cool! Your mom was so worried–" Jen: "Wyatt!" runs over and hugs him. Paramedic: "Hey! You're not pregnant!" Wyatt: "Pregnant?" receptionist picks up her phone and calls someone. Caitlin: up her banned sign "Look! I'm a model!" a beat "Why aren't you wearing any shoes?" Jen: "Darth chewed them off. Long story." Receptionist: "Your mother is on her way to the delivery room." Caitlin: "This way!" Caitlin, and Wyatt run for the delivery room, dragging behind them Robbie and Diego. The paramedic turns to Shelly and continues talking to her. Paramedic: "So he sinks into the dark water, and then wham! She's an old lady, holding a necklace. You can't write that stuff." ---- is lecturing Courtney. Jonesy: "And Jen's not here, so we've got to try and be as mature as Jen. Which neither of us can do on our own! But maybe together, we can get close. You! Are going into that delivery room to help keep your mom calm! I'd do it, but that would only cause irreversible damage that would require years of therapy! Nikki loves me. I'll stay here in case Robbie and Diego turn up!" Courtney: "But–I'm the pretty one." Jonesy: "Not today, Courtney! Today you're Jen. Today, we are both Jen! Reliable, responsible, boring Jen. Now get in there." Courtney: "Okay. I can do this." Jen: in "I'm here!" Jonesy and Courtney: cheering "She's here!" three hug. Caitlin: Jen "Go! Go!" rushes into the delivery room. Everyone else sits down. Jonesy: Courtney "We totally had that covered." Courtney: "Yeah! I think we actually did." Jen: "Courtney? You should come in too." Courtney: "But I don't–" Jen: "I'll do all the work. I just think Mom would like it if we were both in the room with her." Courtney: "Really? Thanks Jen." allows Jen to lead her in. Wyatt: "Where's Nikki?" Jonesy: smiling "Switching babies. She loves me." ---- swaps out the baby for the doll. The nurse comes up behind her. Nikki: "Uh, okay. This looks bad. But it was an accident. See, I was sniffing the babies, because you said they smelled good, and I had two in my arms, and you were coming back. Panic panic! So I put them in the wrong crib, so you gave Dimples to the wrong parents, so I had to stop them and switch the babies back or he would've gone home with the wrong family." sighs. Nurse: "Is that all?" Nikki: "What?" Nurse: "We mix up babies in here all the time. They all look the same. It's hard not to." Nikki: "Yeah, I guess I can see that." Nurse: "Oh, your friend's mother is in the delivery room. You should join your party in the waiting room." starts to leave for the waiting room, but stops near the exit. Nikki: "You always send the babies home with the right parents in the end though, right?" nurse shrugs. Nikki: "Hmm." the babies "Good luck guys." ---- and Diego are playing with a defibrillator. They use it on Nikki's doll and laugh. Jonesy: "Not a toy!" it away "Not!" walks into the waiting room and takes a seat by Nikki. Nikki: "So? What have you been doing all day?" Jude: "Mmm...nothing much." Jen: "Eee!" the delivery room "The baby's here! Come and see her." gets up. Nikki runs forward. Nikki: "Why's everybody moving so slow?" heads for the delivery room, but stops again. "Come on! There's a baby waiting!" ---- Masterson-Garcia clutches her baby close to her. Courtney: "Mom, she's really beautiful." Emma: "She really is." Caitlin: "And it's so cute that Jonesy's dad wanted her named after you." Jude: confused "You named the baby Mrs. Masterson?" Wyatt: "No, Jude. Emma. The baby's name is Emma." Jude: "Phew." leans in close and sniffs the baby. Jonesy still has a huge smile on his face. Jen: "Hey. I heard some of what you said to Courtney. Thanks for taking charge while I wasn't here." Jonesy: "No problem, Jen. Anything for my second-favorite sister." Emma "Can I hold her now?" mother hands over the baby, and Jonesy cuddles her in his arms. Jude, Nikki, Courtney, Robbie, Jen, Caitlin, Diego, Emma, and Wyatt: "Aww." reaches into the blanket and slips a pink rubber band around the baby's leg. Emma: "What's that for?" Nikki: "Uh, nothing. Just–don't take it off until you get her home." Jen: "Jude!" Jude: "What?" remembers. "Oh! Right!" out his camera "Say my name!" Jen, Caitlin, Courtney, Wyatt, Emma, Robbie, Diego, Nikki, and Jonesy: "Jude!" takes a group photo of everyone clustered around the mother and her baby. Jude: "Good one!" Category:Season 4